Ted’s working at a restaurant at nights currently….

I stopped by his new restaurant in Madison, TED’S PLACE last night and had a nice talk with one of the waiters.

When ordering, I noticed that the waiter who took
our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought
our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a
spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had
spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back
to serve our soup I inquired, ‘Why the spoon?’

‘Well, ‘he explained,’the restaurant owner, Ted, is
tighter than a frog’s ass, so he went and hired
Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes.

After several months of analysis, they concluded that
the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.

It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce
the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15
man-hours per shift.’

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he
replaced it with his spare. ‘I’ll get another spoon
next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an
extra trip to get it right now.’ I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of
the waiter’s fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had
the same string hanging from their flies. So, before
he walked off, I asked the waiter, ‘Excuse me, but
can you tell me why you have that string right there?’

“Oh, certainly!’ Then he lowered his voice.

‘Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I
mentioned also learned that we can save time in the
restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what,
we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate
the need to wash our hands, shortening the time
spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, ‘After you get it out, how do you put
it back?’ ‘Well,’ he whispered, ‘I don’t know about
the others, but I use the spoon.’

Well, that explains Ted’s absence from the forum, poor guy, married a cute blonde with expensive tastes, and his day job and pcp consulting efforts just don’t pay the bills.

By the way, the food seemed “salty” to me….probably just my personal tastes, but be sure to stop by Ted’s Restaurant in Madison next time you are in town.

Kindest regards,

‘Ol Uncle H 😯 😯 T