Ted’s Holdover is killing me
I can’t wait to watch his bullpup review!!
When you guess he is gonna release it???
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That, and there had better be a crispy kosher dill pickle, and some fresh chips, next to that sandwich, or she’ll be brushing her teeth with cotton balls for the next week. All this may sound harsh…but trust me, they need discipline! Just like any other wild animal that you would capture, clothe, feed and train for your personal entertainment. You MUST be firm in order to domesticate them for proper and satisfactory home use!
Tragically, more than one senior forum member, even after several years of hard use and training, have had their’s turn “Feral” on them, and were required by law to legally release them back into the wild, and start over. If this should happen, it is time and money well spent to do what it takes to get a younger, fully ripened, low mileage specimen, as they are more easily trained. Just be certain to have them professionally checked for no leakage of fluids, tight gaskets, fully functional accessories, decent undamaged body work, and their maintenance logs are valid and up to date! More than one poor fool has committed to one that cleaned up really nice, only to get her home and find out she didn’t operate worth shit…and they don’t come with a warranty!!!
These words of wisdom I freely share with you, my sons, that you may be happy, properly serviced and served, by your informed selection of qualified domestic help!
Regards,
Kindly ‘Ol Uncle Hoot:
Venerable Uncle Hoot :hoot: ,
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
You are the MASTER !!!
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
With INFINITE RESPECT :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
Then, and this is my personal preference to put women in their proper place, advise her that you will now remove your footwear, and she is to lick your feet, and suck each of your toes, until you are satisfied with the results, and afterwards, she is to quietly prepare you a sandwich, bring you a cold beer, and turn on the television to a channel of your choosing, then she is to silently leave the room until she is summoned!
Very important, Make sure she washes her hands before she makes your sandwich! :suprisedn:
And….remember to wear a thin leather glove before you back-slap their unappreciative, ever-complaining mouth/mouths! Some of them have jagged teeth, or will scream just before you deliver the punishment they so richly deserve! A man can severely cut his knuckles if their mouth is open as you deliver this part of their obedience training.
Cut knuckles can take a long time to heal, become infected, or even weaken your grasp on a cold, sweaty, can of beer!!!
Take care, my friend, the road you travel is dangerous…not every man has the cajones to take this path…some tremble and fail. Be strong. Do as you want, remind them you do not take orders from domestic help, they take orders from you! If they hesitate, or show disrespect….reach for “The Glove“. They will soon learn!
Hoot:
You already know more about these bullpups from this forum than yet another review could ever provide. We can provide the approval you seek but your wife or girlfriend won’t give in buying another airgun. 
March forth and charge it!
Dude!!! You live in Brazil, home of the most beautiful women in the world. Yet you want to stay home and watch airgun porn on the pc ????
Go to the beach, tell young, beautiful women that ” Hoot: ” sent you, with instructions that they are to treat you as a living “Man-Beast“, and show fear, respect, and obedience!!!
I believe you will be amazed at their reaction….. 🙄 If your wife/girlfriend/mistress, or even all three, says anything negative about your actions, give her/them the back of your hand, and inform her that the great and mighty ” Hoot: ” has empowered you as a MAN…and that from this moment on…she must do as you say, in silence, and with appreciation that you have taken your valuable time to bless her with your presence. Remind her that she is but one woman, in a world filled with beautiful women, who envy her because of YOUR presence in her life. Then, and this is my personal preference to put women in their proper place, advise her that you will now remove your footwear, and she is to lick your feet, and suck each of your toes, until you are satisfied with the results, and afterwards, she is to quietly prepare you a sandwich, bring you a cold beer, and turn on the television to a channel of your choosing, then she is to silently leave the room until she is summoned!
Remember, don’t “ask”…”TELL” her this is what she is to do!!! This is a mistake most men make with women…women, like large independent-minded dogs, must be addressed firmly, with confidence, authority, and reminded there will be “‘Consequences” if they don’t obey quickly, and quietly!
At first, they may appear to resent your change in behavior, this is quite normal, don’t be alarmed. However, for the first few months, DO sleep with a sharp knife, or small caliber pistola, under your pillow!
The results of my advice will change your life, forever, in ways you have never imagined!!!
With no need for thanks for this lesson in life…gleaned from 71 years of dealing with these unappreciative domestic underlings…..I remain,
Kindly ‘Ol Uncle Hoot:
Mr Ted Mr Ted…..making me suffer with this wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :angrymob:
My educated quess : French Goat.
I’ve always wondered, did you really use trench coats or is that a later misintepretation of trench goat? Or perhaps french goat?
Unbelievable! Hemingway himself ?? You really are a hero – and Hemingway , or his living relatives , can thank YOU for their fame and fortune. You´re not only a hero from trenches but an everyday hero and an inspiration to us all.
OG – how dare you denigrate Hoot´s accomplishments in War – and Love ??
I gave every inch of my being to the French in that epic struggle…I will not suffer through the details of trench warfare any further!
However, one more detail…after being wounded, by a Hun bullet infected with syphillis, my ambulance driver was none other than Ernest Hemingway. He talked about his life’s experiences non-stop, all the way from the trenches to the field hospital, a trip of some two hours. Being in pain, suffering, I finally reached the end of my patience and yelled at him: “Will you shut your stupid mouth!!! If you had so many experiences…WRITE A DAMN BOOK ABOUT IT!!!“ Little did I know the path I had set him upon.
And so it was in the Winter of ’17….
Hoot:
Priceless! So Uncle, it looks like there are two versions of the story over your antics at Yprês.
This version sheds a new light over how the French troops were entertained and kept in shape for the battle – if such thing , in its true meaning, can be said about the French Military Force . What do you have to say about all that ??
HOOT Wrote:
You know I lost my entire colon during the Great War from inhaling the Mustard Gas. Tragedy it was!!! I recall I was deep in the trenches, near Belleau Woods in the Winter of ’17, eating a French baguette, stuffed with veal and onions, and didn’t even realize I was swallowing the Mustard Gas because I thought it was mustard on the veal! Go ahead, ridicule a a hero, without whom you might well be speaking German today!
HOOT, We all know that you served in the great war and that you came home a HERO!
I would never ridicule your service in the great war!
We all also know that you spent the war serving with the French troops in the trenches.
Mustard gas wouldn’t affect your colon unless it was somehow introduced into your colon.
After the war, Jacques wrote an autobiography that lovingly mentioned an American that everybody called Hoot. Jacques goes on to say that the American that they all called Hoot, served with them and “serviced more than few of them”.
In his autobiography, Jacques stated that he and Hoot, when it was all quiet on the western front, would indulge; in that disgusting to me, favorite French national pastime of “plugala poopala”!
Could you have “lost your entire colon” due to one or more “overly enthusiastic foreign relations”?
You also posted that “you were eating a French baguette, stuffed with veal and onions”.
Just where were the veal and onions stuffed? On second thought: I really don’t want to know!
You won’t talk about your servicing/serving with the French in the “trenches”.
Unfortunately, Jacques was still in the French army when he heard that Germany might invade France during the beginning of WW2. Being a “minute man” he thought that he would just surrender and throw his rifle down. Unfortunately for Jacques, the stupid bastard had his gun loaded, with the safety off. When the gun hit the ground, it fired and shot Jacques in the head.
SO: we now have no way of verifying the rumors of Hoots service with the French!
I find it interesting that the 1919 American Medical Association dictionary has a listing for a new American illness that they call Trench Mouth!
… and the War Hero is back ! Now OG : What´s your take on this ?? :whistle:
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Calil, While I find Uncle Hoots advice to be full of wisdom and truly heartfelt, something is missing. You may find this lifestyle hard to achieve without, very large and frequent CASH payments, perhaps hourly.
Another possible option might be Mail order!! Patients my friend, I am sure Ted is hard at work, can you say Beluga?
Regards
LarryW 😎